C’mon goils and boys, hone those query chops of yours!  Post a query in the comment section!

As for moi?  I am completely buried with work.  I’ll pop up later to make sure y’all are behaving, but unless there is blood or broken bones and you can’t dial 911 or drive yourself to the hospital, please do not disturb. Mad writer is working furiously on her Opus!  (this does not mean I don’t love you all, you know I do, but, Must. Write.  For. Food.)

xo

Karin*

And heeeeeeeerrrrzzzzz, Jody!

Thanks, Karin, for letting me ‘guest-blog.’ Karin and I go way back. Well, no we don’t – but we will some day. We met in the blogosphere via our mutual friend, Margaret (Margaret and I DO go way back). Karin made the mistake of responding to one of my emails, and now she can’t get rid of me. I’m pretty sure she thinks that letting me guest-blog will get me to leave her alone for awhile. It won’t. I’m just sayin’.

I’m single and call the San Francisco Bay Area home. Actually, I don’t live too far from Karin, which makes stalking her totally do-able. I’m an artist, graphic designer, cartoonist, writer, web developer, horseback riding instructor, …..I basically never decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. If you like a good dose of snark in your day, visit my blog: http://seinblogjlw.blogspot.com/. Most of my humorous artwork is directed at fellow horse enthusiasts, and you can take a look at it on my online store: http://www.cafepress.com/jlwdesigns. I’m also developing a comic strip (http://www.sfredhead.com/macandjill.html) that I hope to syndicate (yeah, and I hope Tom Selleck leaves his wife for me, too) and try to work in some graphic design and web design projects to pay those pesky bills.

But enough about me.

Lately I’ve become fascinated with the whole concept of writing ‘queries.’ I have had individual works published, but the Road to Publication for the humorous essay is quite different than for a novel. There’s a real talent to capturing the essence of a story in a two or three paragraphs query. I wondered if it was something I could even do. But I didn’t want to have to write a whole novel to find out.

Thus was born the Query your Day contest. The rules are simple: take a typical day in your life and turn it into a compelling query. Is your life a romance? A mystery? A crime? A fantasy? Give it any sort of spin you’d like. Think of it as a writing exercise that will let us learn a bit more about each other and be entertaining to boot.

Two lucky winners (one randomly drawn, one I select as my personal favorite) can pick the item of their choice featuring the “My Life: Stranger than Fiction” design, here: http://www.cafepress.com/jlwdesigns/6823909 . So….let’s hear about your life! Just post your query entry as a comment to this blog. Don’t obsess over it. Just have FUN.

Since I don’t believe in asking anybody to do anything I wouldn’t do myself, I’ll go first:

Introverted, menopausal redhead Jody Werner has finally arranged her life exactly the way she likes it: simple and drama-free. She works at home doing the artwork she loves, has a cute little studio in a blissfully quiet neighborhood and gets to spend the glorious California summer afternoons at the barn with the horses. The cherry on top of the sundae that is her life: she has the freedom to nap anytime she wants. Ah, life is good.

She’s looking forward to another blessedly uneventful day in her “I-refuse-to-turn-on-the-tv-and-hear-any-bad-news” paradise….until the phone call from the mysterious entity known only as The Banker.

The Banker tells her that before her loan application can be accepted, she has to come up with two years back tax returns. Oh no! That means a journey into the black hole that is her filing system; the swirling, bottomless abyss into which paperwork disappears, never to resurface.

Aided by The Ladder (which creaks and wobbles the higher she climbs) and The Flashlight (which takes sick pleasure in randomly blinking in and out of usefulness) she embarks upon the treacherous journey into The Attic in search of The Box.

But finding The Box is not enough. Working against time, she must assemble two years of back tax returns in the proper order AND find a logical explanation for the decided dip in income for 2007. There is only one way to summon this kind of creativity on short notice: she must sacrifice herself at the altar of chocolate and caffeine.

With a solution (and chocolate-smeared tax returns) in hand she hurries out the door only to discover that her car has a flat tire! While waiting for the roadside assistance people, she gets a call from the barn. Her horse has lost a shoe! Now she has to get the flat fixed, deliver the tax returns to The Banker, locate her farrier and still find a way to get in her afternoon nap. Will she make it, or will the universe add insult to injury by extracting the ultimate price of unplanned expenditures AND sleep deprivation?

I am seeking validation for the non-fictional masterpiece that is my life. Jody’s Day is a complete waste of your time at 75,000 words. I’d be happy to submit the full manuscript for your consideration, provided you give me ample time to find it in The Box.

Love it!

Thank you Jody!  So here’s the deal, 10 queries a day for the next week, no more than 200 words, in the comment section.  Jody picks her winners, I’m going to pick a few myself. 

Let the fun begin!

Karin*

I woke up tired from a fabulous birthday party yesterday. My fil turned 75!  And as big family celebrations are want to go, I thanked the Lord for giving me such wonderful gifts!

Like pregnant daughter, the best sil a mom could ask for, and a granddaughter who will make her debut this fall!  Aren’t they perfect?

And how about that handsome dude giving his mama a kiss?  My other son was camera shy and my eldest daughter was as well.  I do have a pic of me with both girls but I look hideouser than the one posted here.  Sorry, vanity trumped proud mama.  I’m so shallow.

I’m still smiling, although my back is killing me.  It took a lot of work to get the yard whipped into shape. But isn’t it gorgeous?  

So, enough about me.  Altho’ I have a surprise for you all.  A query contest!  Staring this Wednesday!  Right here at The Write Life! My very new, very good friend Jody Werner who I met via Margaret Golla’s blog, had a fabo idea.  Here’s a peek:

Query your Day contest. The rules are simple: take a typical day in your life and turn it into a compelling query. Is your life a romance? A mystery? A crime? A fantasy? Give it any sort of spin you’d like. Think of it as a writing exercise that will let us learn a bit more about each other and be entertaining to boot.

Two lucky winners (one randomly drawn, one I select as my personal favorite) can pick the item of their choice featuring the “My Life: Stranger than Fiction” design, here: http://www.cafepress.com/jlwdesigns/6823909 . So….let’s hear about your life! Just post your query entry as a comment to this blog. Don’t obsess over it. Just have FUN.

It will be a hoot.  I’m giving y’all two days notice to write something snappy.  I’ll be running the contest for a week.  I’m thinking on top of Jody’s prizes, I may just pick one or two faves myself and send them off to a few agent friends and maybe an editor or two?  So, hone the query, and be ready to begin posting.  So as not to clog up the comment section of the blog, I’m going to allow only ten queries to post each day and limit it to 200 words or less, but we’ll running the contest for a week, so do the math.  There will be lot’s of opportunities to get your query in!

I’ll post a reminder tomorrow!   I can’t wait this is going to be fun fun fun!

Karin*

I’m over there today.  Why do my posts end up mini rants?

www.murdershewrites.com

Karin*

Speaking of humping, can someone please tell me why I keep getting penis spammed on Twitter?  And specifically, ones of Brittney with her mouth open and well, use your imagination.  I have cock blocked them, but they keep coming back in one form or another.  I want to have lots of followers like the next girl but not penises. I had a nightmare last night of being followed by a herd of penises. It was creepy.  I’m probably going to get penis-spammed because I keep using the P word here.  Hah, we’ll see how good the spam filter is! 

Anyhoo, I just wanted to touch base.  I’m trying to be a good writer and write.  I’m trying very hard to write with blinkers on.  Not allowing any peripheral activity to distract me.  Not answering non-urgent emails (but aren’t they all urgent?!), not making lengthy phone calls, not going to the A’s game with my son today (that was a hard one!), I’m ignoring the doorbell, unless it’s my computer guy coming to install word on my mac book. I have even locked the cats out.   It’s working.  Sort of.  I am seriously going to take Allison’s advice and unplug.  So, ciao for now, chicas.  I’ll surface after I write this next chapter. In the meantime, would someone please tell me how not to get penis spammed.

Karin*

Sort of.  I got home to California yesterday morning at 10:30 a.m. Cali time.  I almost didn’t tho.  When my traveling buddy Lisa Hughey and I arrived at BWI, at 4 a.m. patiently awaiting our 5:21 a.m. flight to Charlotte (then Charlotte to San Fran) I noticed a teeny weeny itsy bitsy widdle airplane attached to our gangplanky thing!

I immediately stood to take a closer look.  Yep.  A toy airplane!  I swear it had rubber band wind up propellers.  Lisa, immediately began to assure me it was a real plane with real engines and a real captain.  I sat down and eyed her with what I am sure was the glare of all glares.  You see, Lisa booked our flights so we could fly together.  I KNOW she did this on purpose, just to torment me.  She assured me she did not.   I wasn’t buying it.

I debated, seriously on not getting on that Toy R’ Us version of an aircraft. But I did. Only because I had a secret weapon in my wallet.  One teeny pill.  A pill that would make me not give a flying f@%$! if we dive bombed into the Atlantic.  And it’s a good thing, because our captain was singing at the top of his lungs when we boarded.  Yup.  The when we were all seated he did a stand up routine over the mike.  It did not make me feel like we were in serious hands.  So, I took a third of the pill right then and there.  Having Bozo the clown as the captain was not comforting.  By the time we got on the plane to SF, which I do not remember boarding, I didn’t care who the hell was flying the thing.

So, let’s just say, while I have vague memories of smooth sailing, getting my luggage in SFO, the drive home, a quick stop at Mickey D’s (I was dying for a double cheeseburger with special sauce!) a nap when I got home, dinner (thank you pregnant daughter) then awaking at 10:30 this morning, yesterday and last night were a blur. 

I did wake up bright eye and bushy tailed, tho.  J

I had a great conference.  But as always, it’s so good to be home. My one cat, Baby, has not left my side, his much sweeter counterpart, Kitty, has tried to edge in on the love but has been told.  My two shih-tzus, CoCo and Zoe, have been love bugs.  I’m pretty sure the kids are happy I’m home, I was kind of out of it when they all came in last night. Hubby of course is beside himself with pure unadulterated happiness.  Lol, ok maybe not like that but he is very happy I’m home.  He always misses me.  I miss him too.  I think I’m going to drag him along next year to Thriller fest ad Nationals. 

I have over 350 new emails to sort through, not to mention the 50+ I left to deal with when I came home.  So, I’m going underground for the next couple of days to catch up.  If I promised you an email in DC bear with me.  I will eventually get to you, but I’m going to take my time. 

So, ciao for now, goils!

Karin*

I can’t wait to get on the plane and head west.  I loved DC, the conference was fabulous, but I’m exhausted.  It’ll take me a few days to decompress, then it’s balls to the walls writing!

It was so good to put faces to names, make new friends and visit with old friends.  I’m really going to miss everyone, but I think we’re all ready to get home. 

I’ll catch you all when I wake up Tuesday!

Karin*

Now I have a low, sexy, raspy voice.  That’s what alcohol, cigarettes and talking nonstop will getcha. J

So, one more day.  On one hand, I can’t wait to get home.  I miss the hubster, the kids, my kitties and my little Shih-Tzus.  I miss my mother-in-law and father-in-law too.  I had dinner with my bro’ and sister-in-law last night.  It was good.  Now, I miss them. 

On the other hand, I’m really going to miss my peeps.  I’ve had another incredible conference.  Once again, I have not attended even one workshop. For me that’s not what conference is about.  For me it’s seeing my editor, my agent, my gf’s and playing matchmaker.  This con has been chock full of Karin pimpage.  I’m not going to go into details, but quite frankly, I have outdone myself this year in hooking up friends with agents and editors and believe it or not, initiating deals.  Yep.  I can honestly say I love that part of con almost as much as hanging out with my editor and agent. 

Yesterday, I had lunch with Joy, owner of Joyfully Reviewed, who I met at the Houston RT a few years ago (Joy, is, quite simply, Joyful!) anyhoo, we were talking about a lot of things, and as things are want to go, I will be hooking her up with someone I met on line a couple of months ago, who does really cool artwork, and well, I know those two crazy gals are going to do business together! 

This morning, actually it’s um, almost noon, I’m sitting here in bed, having finished breakfast (in bed) and feeling rested, happy and homesick. 

Tonight is the Rita and Golden Heart Awards.  I love the ceremony.  I love the anticipation for my friends.  Allison (Brennan) is up for like her fifth, and I hope for her this year she brings home the statue!  But, gfs Rocki (St. Claire) and Cindy (Gerard) are in the running too!  How can I not want them all to win??? 

You can check out www.rwanational.org later tonight for the winners.

I’m going to hop off now, have another cup of coffee, get a shower and mosey on down to pub and see what’s happening.  J

Ciao for now,

Karin*

I LOVE conference!

I really, really do! I mean what’s not to love? I am among 2,000 of my peeps!  Yesterday I had the most amazing meeting with my editor.  I’ve always counted myself lucky to have her, but yesterday I realized she kind of feels the same way about me! Our time went way too quick, so I was happy to see her again for dinner after the literacy signing, which was really good.  I watched gobs of fans race to JR Ward’s table where the line remained looooong for hours. Kudos to her.

Dinner with my editor was good.  Really good.  She has impeccable taste. Guess what I did when we got back to the hotel?  Yep, met the girls at the bar, which stops serving at 12:300, how freaking stupid is that? I saw Toni Causey heading up to her room way too early but she as wiped out.  I saw Allison earlier in the day and Debra Webb too.

At the bar, I introduced myself to Laura Bradford and pimped two friends to her.  I hung out with Marge Lawson and her girls for awhile, moseyed on over and met Calista Fox who I immediately clicked with.  Then Josie and Maya tracked me down.  We shut down early last night, about 1:30 ish we called it a night. 

Today?  I’m too lazy to get it together to go to the kick off breakfast. I’m going to have some coffee, take a long hot shower, and take my time getting ready for the day.  It’s going to be a long one. I might catch a workshop.  If I feel like it. My agency party is tonight then I rush from there to the Pocket dinner.  I really enjoy my fellow Pocket authors, all of the Pocket editors, and Pocket publisher Louise Burke is tops in my book.

So that’s what I’ve been up to.  J

I’ll check back in tomorrow.  Now behave!

Karin*

The weather is amazing, the hotel grand, and the company stimulating.

And I’m such a dork!  Everyone kept saying there was no internet in the rooms.  I believed them.  Until, late last night I saw an Ethernet cable on the desk in my room!  Voila!

I flew out at the butt crack of dawn Monday morning with my friend Lisa Hughey. By the time we got to the hotel late that afternoon we were pretty wiped out.  We had a nice dinner at the Stone’s Throw then hit the sack! I slept in  J Poor Lisa and Sophie had to get up for the KOD tour of the State Department and the Post Office.  I languished in bed, got up around 11, took a shower and moseyed on down to the lobby to check into my own room, which is in the original part of the hotel.  After I put my things away, I went downstairs to have a smoke.  YES!  I did quit!  But I had to buy a pack for National!! 

But I swear, between Rocki, Sylvia and Josie giving me the evil eye each time I excuse myself from their most bodacious company, it makes a girl not want to have a smoke!  But, I always meet such great gals out there.  For instance, I met Debbie who is here for a teacher’s conference.  She’s an English teacher, her hubby is a retired cop and well, for two hours we sat out front and enjoyed conversation while I watched everyone huff and puff up the hill to the hotel. 

Last night I had dinner with Sylvia, Shelley Bradly, Nikki Duncan, Mel Schroeder, LKap, Vicki, and Josie.  Then Syl and I ordered more drinks and took off for the lounge, yanno to see and be seen. We were immediately mauled by Eileen Rendahl and Rocki St. Claire, who we partied with.  There was more squeeing when Cindy Gerard and I saw each other at the same exact time.  Her and Gennita Low slid their chairs over and we all had a very merry time.  Maya (Banks) managed to break out from her room and the party got better.  We didn’t come up until almost 3 and Josie and I were up chatting until after 4.

We woke up at 11!  Ordered room service.  While Josie was getting ready for her lunch date, I was lounging in bed drinking coffee and nibbling on eggs benedict.  I’m still in bed, drinking coffee!  I suppose I should get a shower and head on down to check in for the con and see everyone as they come in, but…it’s so nice not to have to do anything for anyone.

Eventually I’ll need to get my ass in gear.  I meet with my editor at 3, the lit signing is at 5:30, then dinner with my editor, then back here to partay!  I doubt I’ll begetting up early Thursday, Friday or Saturday, but I’ll check back in tomorrow.

How’s everyone????

Karin*